the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
