Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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