He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
