my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
