Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's never too late to be topless.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
