laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wish you could order shots online.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
