In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
