I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
