I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
