his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize