I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
