saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize