You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
