brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
