Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I want to stick my p in your. b.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You made out with two different species that night
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
