i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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