Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
