She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
