no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
