How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
