Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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