just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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