I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The Olympian is in my bed
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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