I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
