Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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