so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
