had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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