He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She bit a glass in half.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
