so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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