I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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