You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Church boner. Awkwardddd
How's work?
Spinning.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
