Kareoke will never be a sober sport
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize