you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
