Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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