I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
