Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
