I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Randomize
