so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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