tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
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