I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
