Me too!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
