yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
