The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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