Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
