So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
