i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
