I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
