cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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