I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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