my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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