When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
