I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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