i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
