My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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