i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
