Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
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Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
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I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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