The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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