She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
