3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
