So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize