i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
