My friends, they love my intelligence
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
