Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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