I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
