I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
