You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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