I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I didn't notice because vodka
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
