It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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