I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
