Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you didnt know i had herpes?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
